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Your Friendly Neighborhood Kidnappers Interview


Bob: Hey fellas, fellas, wait one second will ya, before you go home?

Peter: What?!

Bob: Take a seat for a second, will ya fellas?

Davy (putting on jacket): Can we go?

Bob: No-- It's just that we're a minute short and we've got to talk about something, huh?

Micky: Again?

Davy: Another minute short?!

Bob: Yeah. The camera is rolling.

Peter: Why don't you time your shows better?!

Mike: Oh, the camera's on, really?--

Bob: Yeah.

Mike: --Are you serious?

Bob: Yeah it is. I'm not kidding. ..Since the show's been on for like a few weeks now, uh have you heard from any fellas that, like, are out of your past that you haven't seen in a long while? Didn't even know you were on the show?

[Cut to closeup of Mike.]

Mike: Yeah, well you know, a lotta people call, a lotta people who, who used to say you know, "You're gonna go to jail! You're gonna, you'll--"

[Davy makes mocking hissing noises.]

Mike: "--you'll die when you're 23 years old!"

Bob: Mike, is that a prediction that a lot of people made about you when you were a kid?

Mike: Yeah.

Bob: Why?

Mike: Why did they make that prediction?

Bob: Yeah.

Mike: Well I was a pretty rotten kid! You know...?

Bob: Were you a loser?

Mike (squinting): Well... yeah.

Bob: A victim?

Mike: No, just a loser. (laughter) I sorta created my own hotbed, you know.

Bob: Yeah.

Mike: It was a drag.

Bob: Yeah.

Mike: B'that's not--Why--Let's don't talk about that. Bleah!

Bob: (laughs) Mike, let me ask you this. How 'bout, uh, things that you're able to get now, that you were never able to get before, like a car or a motorcycle. Are you diggin' those things?

Mike: Yeah, that's a groove, y'know. That whole scene is uh, is a whole other thing, you know? I gotta be very careful, uh--

Bob: Why?

Mike: Well, I jus-- I'll spend myself bankrupt. You know, you gotta big car, and all that kinda stuff, big house, big uh--

Peter: --The universe is permeated with the odor of turpentine!

[Cut to wide shot of all four guys.]

Bob: You guys know, of course, that we've only got one minute in which to say everything that's on your minds, don't you? Collectively have you got something to say that's really important?

[Davy, Peter, Micky simultaneously:]

*Davy (quickly): Well first of all I'd like to say, I'd like to say that what you were saying about--
*Peter (laughs): For a minute? (deliberately babbles quickly) ...done that anyway and I really wanna to tell you that I--
*Micky: Peter, 78, go to 78 (pretends to flip switch on ear, makes fast, high-pitched noises)

Mike: The only thing about it, man, is that a minute is entirely too long for us to tell everything we've got on our minds.

Bob (laughing): Thanks a lot, Mike. Good night fellas.

Micky: G'night.

Davy: G'night.


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