Micky: Hi. Uh, tonite, the-- we're a minute short as usual--
(Peter looks at his watch and mouths "five!")
Micky: --so we're gonna show you two spontaneous, unrehearsed, uh screentests that were done of Mike and Davy before the Monkees-- we started filming-- before we like knew what was all gonna happen. These were two screentests that we did. An' they're black 'n' white so don't worry, the color is OK... (turns to Peter) Whatta you talk so much for?
(Peter opens mouth to answer, but makes a face and looks at camera.)
[CUT to Screentest #0052]
Bob: Davy, let me ask you one thing. Did you start off like, are you a Kentucky colonel's son? I mean--
Davy: Noooo... My father's a fitter...
Bob: A what?
Davy: ...He's an engineer- uh- he's a engineer on the railways. You know, he--
Bob: How'd you get started in show business? How did that all start out?
Davy: Oh I used to act at school and whatnot, and ah, they said I should be an actor, but I wanted to be a jockey...
Bob: How did you get started on that?
Davy: Ah... Well, I'll tell you about that actually, you know. I-I-I always used to watch it on the TV you see; I always used to "ride" so many winners each week, watching it on the television, my father said I-I ought to be a jockey (glances to his left)... (Glancing again) I see someone comin' 'round the back there's gonna do me in two minutes flat... (looks to his left smiling nervously) Erm, (laughing) so anyway I uh, I decided I wanted to be a jockey so I left school when I was fourteen-and-a-half, went to be a jockey. I, ah practiced for about-- uh, (mumbles) rehearsed, listen to me-- I practiced to be a jockey for about six, seven months, then I finally got on a horse, an' started to ride, thought this was the life, in the rain you know, five o'clock in the morning and everything like that. So I uh--
Bob: Did you make any money?
Davy: Uh, yeah. But not riding I didn't because you have to serve an apprenticeship for five years.
[CUT to medium shot]
Bob: Hey Davy, jockeys aren't big guys, are they?
Bob: How tall are you anyway?
Davy: Uh, fi-- about five-three, yeah.
Bob: Do girls like that size?
Bert Schneider(?) (off camera): In boots!
Davy: Well, you know--
Bob: Do you ever have trouble adjusting?
Bert?: In boots he's five-three.
Davy (laughing): In boots I'm five-three. Yeah-- uh, no, I don't get-- have trouble adjusting; I kinda like tall girls, yeah. (looking down) It's kinda groovy. But--
Bob: No I didn't ask you that, Davy.
Bob: I asked you whether or not they like you!
[CUT to closeup]
Bob: You haven't got any hair on your face.
Davy: No! That-- uh, this funny bit-- I went into hospital, had my appendix out you see, and I go into the hospital and she says, "OK, shaving time." (Davy makes a surprised face.)
Bob: Alright Davy... (???)
Davy (touching face): I said, "I don't--" (starts laughing)
Bob: Haven't you got any clean thoughts? You look like such a clean kid!
Davy: I am a clean kid. You know, they made me put my hair over my ears and all this schtick-- (he fidgets with hair) I'm really a clean-cut kid, you know.
Davy: And ah, they made me do this.
Bob: Take off the hat, will ya. I wanna see what the hair looks like.
Davy (takes off hat, pats down hair): Doesn't it look great?
Bob: What, Davy, lemme ask you - What bag are you in?
Davy: What what?
Bob: What bag are you in?
Davy (confused): "Bag"?! I don't get that...
Bob: Alright lemme ask you something-- I mean like, do you make a folk sound or a rock sound or anything like that?
Davy: I make a terrible sound! But you know--
Bob: Hey lemme see you do the song and dance you do. [CUT to wide shot]
Davy: Song and dance I do?
Bob: Like cartwheels or something-- Do something quick!
Davy: A song and-- You must be joking!
Bob: No, I'm not!
Davy: Whaddya want--
Davy: Whaddya want me to do? Sing?
Bob: A-- A dance... One of your little quick things.
(Davy dances briefly.)
Bob: Hey Davy, you wanna know something? Honestly. Hold it for a second.
Davy (stops dancing): What?
Bob: I really think you shoulda been a jockey.
(Davy laughs and claps his hands once. He then buries his face in his right arm, dramatically, in mock sadness.)
[CUT to Screentest #0002]
(Mike enters thru swinging stagedoor with a flourish.)
Bob: Shut the door will ya, Mike?
Mike: Good evening, Ed!
(Laughter off camera. Mike shuts door.)
Bob: Shut the door-- Mike sit down somewhere. I wanna ask you a lot of questions about yourself.
(Mike walks over to painting and fixes hair, as if looking in mirror. Then walks over and sits at table.)
Bob: Tell us what your name is.
Mike: My name is Michael Blessing. (puts leg up on table)
Bob: No, I wanna hear the truth.
Mike: No that's it man, I'm tellin' ya. It's a pseudonym.
Bob: How did you get to Nesmith?
Mike: Well, ah, Nesmith is my real name.
Bob: Well, how did you get to Blessing?
Mike: It's a pseudonym.
Bob: How'd you happen to pick Blessing?
Mike: Well uh, why're you asking me that? (laughs) It's weird. Get on something else. (laughter off-camera) Makes me very uptight.
Bob: Get onto something self-- about yourself.
Mike: OK, um...
Bob: Tell me the Colonel Mallory story.
Mike: No. Ah, because that's a very dumb story. However I will tell you about the time that I was in the Air Force, and I tumped over a general's airplane.: One time, I was in the Air Force.
Bob: I don't believe it--
Mike: And no, I turned over the general's airplane... That's about the time--
Bob: Turned over?
Mike: Yeah that's about the time I was in the general's airplane.
Bob: Tell me the Colonel Mallory story-- tell the Colonel Mallory story, Mike--
Mike (smiles): ...That's it man. That's all the story.
(Mike starts to get up.)
(Mike sits down, eating something small.)
Bob: Mike, let me ask you something, seriously now. Why do you do this kind of business?
Mike: What's that?
Bob: Play the music.
Mike: Well, I mean--
Bob: How'd you get to it?
Mike: Why do they call that a light? I don't know-- That's just where it's at.
Bob: Well how'd you get to it? How long ago?
Mike (laughs to himself, thinking): About two years.
Bob: You just came to it two years ago?
Mike (nodding): Mm-hmm.
Bob: What-- what before then?
Mike: I was a failure...
Bob: Yeah, but did you work at that?
Bob: How did you get--
Mike: I mean I just didn't do anything. I was a failure. Um--
Bob: Do you think you're a goof?
Mike: Do you?
Mike: Well see, it depends on what you think.
Bob: Do I think you're a goof?
Mike: Well okay, see, then that's where it's at. If you think I'm a goof man, I'm a goof. You know, what I think is what I am, a'right. And I don't think I'm a goof.
Bob: I don't think you're a goof.
Mike: Right. Okay. I think I'm outta work... (laughter off-camera; Mike looks sideways at camera) ...and I hope I get this series... (more laughter) But a goof? No, I'm not a goof.
Bob: Lemme ask you this-- do you have any ego hangups?
Mike (quickly): Yeah. A lot of ego hangups. I've got a few eagle hangars--
Bob: Do you have any ego hangups with me right now?
Mike (getting up): Yeah listen wait a minute, I mean really, if you're really uptight about me settin' in the chair, babe, I'm sorry but I really wanna see what's in this (opens wardrobe drawer; laughter off-camera) because when I go home I'm gonna say, "Hey, on 'The Farmer's Daughter' (pointing) you know what's in that drawer?" (Bob laughs off camera) That's gonna be a gas.
Bob: You may be the only one who's ever been in that drawer, Mike.
Mike: Oh no, because there's stuff in it. (walks to dish cupboard)
Bob: Mike, come back here, will ya?
Mike: Yuh, wait a minute-- (excitedly, opening doors) Oooh wow! Are you ready for this?! (brings dishes to table)
Bob: Okay. Go ahead. Do the butler bit...
Mike: No, I was-- kinda thought of food. The freezer was off, I'm tellin' ya! (Sits at table, lifting cover off bowl. Surprised at what he finds, smiles, looking off-camera.)
Bob: Mike, lemme ask you something. Do you think you can play another part? A part of another guy?
Mike: Like what? What is that? What do you want me to be? Strong and silent?
Bob: Yeah, be strong and silent.
(Mike composes himself, and looks sideways at Bob [behind camera], smiling quietly.)
Bob: Okay, Wool-- Woolhat now be a girl.
(Mike composes himself, and looks sideways at Bob [behind camera], smiling quietly.)
Bob: ...Mike, they're the same thing.
Mike: Well, I mean, that's your hangup, man. (laughter off-camera) Not mine, I mean I know where it's at.
Bob: Were you ever a strong and silent girl before?
Mike (laughing, shaking finger at Bob): Have you ever asked that---
(Trails off, freeze frame, music comes in, fade to black.)