Synopsis:

The Monkees show up at the KXIW-TV station to enter a Rockathon contest in which the prize is $500. While they are in line at the station with other bands, waiting to sign up, Michael gives David and Micky a pep talk: Since they desperately need the money, the way to get it is to act like they don’t need it, assuming a very casual, suave, debonair, “who needs it” kind of attitude. David tests out the suave, casual attitude, claiming “We don’t need it.” This confuses Micky, who wigs out because of course they do need it! The Monkees approach Jerry Blavat, a DJ who is also the MC, and presumptuously request the prize money. Of course Blavat treats them like they’re nuts, so they sing for him, going into a doo-wop bit; Michael performs an excellent D.J. patter routine. When they demand the money again, Blavat turns them down, informing them that the contest is only for groups of mixed gender; without a girl in the group they can’t even compete. The obviously male-dominant Monkees suggest basses and baritones, peas and carrots, and Republicans and Democrats, but Blavat insists on them having a girl in their band. He leaves shouting about how “I love girls! I snap over them!” Micky then explains that that means one of them is going to have to be “a chick!”

Later, with Peter, The Monkees have to decide on a volunteer basis which one of them makes the best looking girl, and Michael, Micky, and Peter all nominate David to play the girl. Reluctant, he backs himself into the closet and comes out with a mop on his head that looks like a long wig. To David’s disbelief, a flirty janitor approaches and hits on him. Back at the pad, David, standing behind a dressing screen, questions how they’re going to turn him into a woman. Micky explains that a woman is a “rag, a bone, and a hank of hair.” First, they hand David a scarf (rag). Then, they hand him an actual bone. He looks at the camera and says “Woo!” Third, they hand him a wig (hank of hair). Michael breaks out into boisterous laughter when David comes out in the wig and dress clutching the bone, and asks how he looks. Micky: “Kind of like a raggy, hairy bone.” David complains that he doesn’t know what to do with the bone, and that he doesn’t know how to act like a woman. Peter pulls out a book, How to Act Like a Feminine Female in Three Easy Lessons, and reads off the lessons. Lesson One: “All feminine females must learn to walk with small delicate steps.” David walks around with this feet tied together and falls. Lesson Two: “When a feminine female walks from north to south her hips must move from east to west. A small loud bell in each direction will help to teach this technique.” David tries this out, with pots and pans tied to his hips, feet still tied with a small rope. Michael gives directions to Micky who shouts them to David. “Faster. Slower. East. West.” David spins around in circles. Lesson Three: “The feminine female must glide like a swan when she walks with her head high, erect and motionless. The best way to teach this is to place a book on top the head.” Michael and Micky place a tome on David’s head, causing him to drop onto the floor under its weight!

The Monkees return to KXIW-TV to show Blavat that they have a girl in the group. David tries to leave but the other three hold him back. Blavat checks “her” out and tells them they are now officially entered in the Rockathon contest. Blavat tells David he’s cute, which makes David all growly (“So are you!”), but Micky reminds him, “Money, money! Anything for money!” Back at their pad, David expresses doubts about their plan. Elsewhere, an all-girl band in a similar dilemma has dressed Daphne, one of their female members, in a suit of armor and a VanDyke beard. Daphne pulls off her facial hair and frets that they’re bound to find out she’s not a boy. That night at The Rockathon, Blavat introduces the girl band as The West Minstrel Abbies, 3 girls and a boy respectively comprised of Harmony, Melody, Caphophone, and William The Conqueror (Daphne duded up as a dude), who do a speedy rendition of “Last Train To Clarksville” at 78 RPM. The Monkees admire the band musically and visually; David accuses the one in the beard of being a bit “effeminate.” After they finish, they score a 98.6 on The Applause-O-Meter (an applause meter/thermometer that Blavat is using to judge the contest), its highest reading! The Monkees force David on stage; Blavat ogles “her” some more and starts becoming smitten with “Miss Jones” as they go on next with their act, singing “The Door Into Summer” and doing everything physically possible to keep David from fleeing the stage! The Monkees tie with The Abbies on The Applause-O-Meter with a 98.6 reading, so Jerry Blavat announces that both bands will have to come back tomorrow for a tie-breaking “battle of the sounds!”

Once they get home, David is understandably only too happy to to remove his drag outfit, but Micky, Michael and Peter won’t let him, worried that, just in the off chance case, someone from the station might show up; suddenly, as if on cue, there’s a knock on the door from Jerry with a boquet of roses for Miss Jones! While Micky, Michael and Peter hide behind the couch, Jerry makes numerous passes at “Miss Jones,” forcing him to back away nervously, asking him out and offering to help him win if plays his cards right! David says he’ll have to think about it; Blavat gives him until tomorrow, just before he kisses David’s hand and goes on his merry way. When Blavat leaves, Peter, Micky and Michael tease David; Peter says all he has to do is go out with him, and they’re a cinch to win. Michael says if David lets Blavat kiss him, he might own the television station. But a righteously unamused David retorts, “One more remark like that, and I’ll hit you with me purse!”

Micky, Michael, and Peter go out to dinner, but David stays behind; so does Daphne when her friends go out, since both of them would have to dress in drag. Both groups’ mates offer to bring them back a tuna sandwich. David and Daphne, however, don’t want to spend a Saturday night home alone and each decides to go out alone, to the Southside Branch of The Some Little Out Of The Way Place Where Nobody Goes Café, outside of their drag outfits. David sneaks in, wearing a huge coat and sunglasses and asks for a secluded booth. The waiter helps him: “I have a booth which is so secluded, that last week three of our best waiters disappeared while trying to find it!” He takes David to a booth that’s already occupied by Daphne. David apologizes, and they both take off their sunglasses and they become starry-eyed as it’s love at first sight. They are in the middle of making vows of love to each other when David sees Micky, Michael and Peter noisily enter the restaurant. For some reason David was carrying his girl boots in a large bag with him, and he leaves in a panic when he hears the other Monkees, dropping one of the boots. Daphne picks it up, “Wait my darling, you forgot your… high heels?” Back at the pad, David rushes into the bed under the covers and pretends to be sleep just as the others arrive back. He fakes waking up and nearly gives himself away by inadvertently naming the place where they ate. Then he discovers that one of his high heels is missing!

The next day, at the KXIW-TV studio, The Monkees return for the rematch with The West Minstrel Abbies---and David again masquerades as “Miss Jones,” much to his chagrin. David nearly slips up again about Daphne when questioned him about his missing high heel but he quickly covers his tracks. David heads outside when all of a sudden Jerry Blavat arrives, checking his watch, so, in order to dodge any impending advances, he ducks into another dressing room, where he reencounters Daphne. He quickly realizes that she doesn’t recognize him dressed in drag and tries to leave but she grills him about his missing high heel which looks like the one she has. Then David takes off his wig and confesses and then Daphne also reveals herself as the male singer of The West Minstrel Abbies; both realize that their deceit is wrong. When David confesses to Jerry Blavat, he becomes outraged and tries to disqualify The Monkees for not being a mixed group, but David explains that they are a mixed group and to prove it, The Monkees perform “She Hangs Out” with The West Minstrel Abbies now in black miniskirt dresses, long hair and highheeled shoes as backup dancers, joining them as a mixed group, which impresses Jerry.

Tag Sequence:

David chats with whis friend and songwriter Charlie Smalls about soul in music, and then sing a tune which they both composed, “Girl Named Love.”

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